09 May 2006

But I regress...

Ankle update...

I was doing really well...or at least I thought I was. I was pretty much off-cane last week. Then, well....I overdid it. Pokey is now by my side more often than I care to mention...sigh...

Oh well, when life gives you lemons, make
limoncello...

Here I present to you, gentle reader, Empress Jasmine's* Guide for Surviving a Sprained Ankle.

The first 24-1008 hours will be the most traumatic: Make sure the staff have lots of pillows (goose down, plush, satin, embroidered, bejewelled--whatever you think of as appropriate) ready anywhere from four to 12 should be enough...and rotate them...so double the original number.

Ice packs are also key--have a number at the ready. I like wrapping them in a nice, soft fabric that coordinates with the interior design. Cashmere pashminas work well--get your seamstress to sew up some icepack cozies...they don't take that long to make. Besides, pashminas are *so* last season...if not older...it's a good opportunity to recycle those old fabrics...unless you've already donated them to the charity bin...then just buy some more and use them.

Decide *where* you want to spend most of your recovery time...it's not enough to decide "the bedroom" or "the entertainment room;" you must decide which of your bedrooms, entertainment rooms, east wing or west wing... And since you'll be spending hours and hours in that room, your little oopsie is the absolutely most perfect reason to redecorate...it'll keep your spirits up...

Postponing your social engagements: You may find yourself unable to keep your social commitments. You can opt to have your PA call and explain, but unless you are totally incapacitated by pain or painkillers, you should call them yourself and explain, *without* melodramatics your incapacity. Your PA will be busy with the following area:

Receiving gifts and well-wishers: As soon as your adoring public hears that you've hobbled yourself, they will want to rush to your side. Make sure your PA has vases of varying volumes at the ready for your flowers. Should your abode begin to look like a florist's show room, have your PA run the extra blooms to a local retirement home or hospital...same with any books or magazines (after you've read them). Whatever you receive--flowers, stuffed animals, diamond chokers--remember to accept these tributes graciously...even if you already have received four more of the same that day.

One thing you will realize is pain is tiring...after so many hours (or even minutes) of extra people and you will be fatigued...some people realize this and will discretely excuse themselves...others may not: falling asleep during a visit is not recommended.

Re-emerging into society: As much as I hate to type it, flats will be your friends. Get yourself the cutest little pair of embroidered ballet slipper Rocketdogs and start padding around with the help of your walking stick or crutches. Be sure to take the appropriate amount of time to mourn your inability to slip into your beautiful Blahniks and charming Choos. It's not worth causing even more damage to yourself by slipping into your stilettos too soon. But look on the bright side--by the time you've recovered you'll *have* to re-vamp your well-heeled wardrobe...last year's styles and all that.

By the way, if you were looking for a good reason to get a new palanquin (and those lovely, well-muscled bearers), this is it.

The last bit of advice I can impart is to keep a chocolate supply on hand...chocolate will make you happy. But then you always need to keep a chocolate supply on hand.

*Come on...you had an inkling that I was more than a mere princess..admit it...and yes, that is my tiara.

cheers!
Empress J

Timmys count:
Before the nonsense: 44 cups; 3 free coffees, 1 free doughnut

Now: 43 cups, 7 free coffees

4 comments:

Ivonne said...

A veritable sprained ankle handbook!

You are too funny ... wonderful post!

K & S said...

your post was nice and it brought a smile to my face :)

take care of yourself!!

Kat

Tania said...

Jasmine,

I'm sorry to read that you've had a setback in your recovery, but I'm glad to see you're taking it in stride, as it were. This post is brilliant (and I'm not surprised about the tiara!). Thanks for the smile, and get better!

Zoubida said...

Très drôle Votre Altesse Sérénissime !
Take care.